my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
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