Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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