i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
I sort of feel bad for this orthodontist. The things that have been in my mouth in the past 12 hours aren't exactly socially acceptable.
Randomize
