I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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