Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
