it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
Randomize
