Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
If he doesn't notice me by the next party, i'm just gonna go up to him and pll his pants down and blow him.
Sounds like a plan.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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