yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
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