You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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