I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
