He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
How many ballsacks did you see last night because I saw eight
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
