Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
