I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
