I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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