So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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