Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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