you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
I would use the term shit faced but I'm too polite for that
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I am watching xfiles and eating microwaved cookiedough, and I see nothing wrong with it.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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