she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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