I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
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