bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
terrible decisions. terrible terrible terrible decisions.
who'd you have sex with.
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
