How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
She's never had brie before last night, don't know if I can date a girl that doesn't like soft cheeses.
I checked into jail on foursquare
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
