Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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