We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
one might say we're banned from that church
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
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