I'm currently googling how to make a dress out of a trash bag. It's going to be a great night.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize