I cockslap morals
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
