Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
