I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
