It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
