I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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