I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize