Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
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