When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
