Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
