i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
This baby is an asshole
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
My frontal lobe is being piloted by Jack Daniels right now.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Randomize
