Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
