i wish there was a holiday celebrated with pizza eating
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
My ATM looks so different sober.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
