She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
