I am in a vortex of obligation.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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