bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
Alex, there's no such thing as a fancy sex store.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
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