walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
We all have to be good at something. Mine are writing, drinking, fucking and peer pressure.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
