Soap is not a condiment
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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