yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
Randomize
