There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
