he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I need to stop coming to work sober
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
