it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
