In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
