I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
