I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
