he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
Just got an Edible Arrangement my parents sent me for my birthday. Time to marinate some fruit in vodka.
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
