is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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