brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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