If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize