I don't know whether I should be pissed that there's glitter in my bed or proud that there's semen in there too.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
Randomize
