Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Kelly went into her room with Dave, but is moaning Tommy...
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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