Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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