Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
We got kicked out of the ice rink last night for drinking and checking strangers... but they let us keep the beer
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Family acid trip. They're welcoming me into the family.
What. The. Fuck.
Family acid trip.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
