I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
