I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
i need to start using my dry humping skills. i was dry humping champion in 7th grade
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Randomize
