let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
