discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Randomize
