Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
