I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
Randomize
