Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
