Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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