she was so not down for the gang bang
i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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