wakey wakey hands off snakey
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
