Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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