in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
