So #1 way to come back last night and #2 wishbone and I broke into his house and i opened joey's door and u were both passed out and pantless.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
