I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
They have beer where we have blood.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
